Attack of the Crazy Fan Girls
by The Obsidian Angel
Summary: His roomates are PMSing or going through their second childhood, He cant get any from Serena, crazy fangirls are chasing him down, and even McDonalds wont let him have any peace! Whats a Prince of Darkness to do! FIN!
1. Chapter One

Stanton grumbled as he marched down the sidewalk, a McDonald's bag clenched in his hand. He was in a bad mood. A very bad mood. He glanced back, taking in the crowd that was now surrounding McDonalds. He heard one little girl scream, and a sinister smile crept across his face. Then as quickly as it had came, he wiped it away. He had to stop doing that… As he turned back around, he began to regret his actions, and then dismissed it. He had done too much in his lifetime to start regretting anything now. After all, if he had wanted a hug from Ronald, he would have asked. With another equally evil smile he turned back around to see everyone's favorite clown sprawled out in McDonald's parking lot.

"Heheheh", he chuckled to himself and barely avoided a street pole. Surprised and somewhat humiliated, he tried to play it off, but only came closer to falling on his face.

"I saw that", a voice came floating through his mind. Somewhat embarrassed but relieved to have her around, he replied, "Hi, Serena". He turned to face her, but her attention was being held by something else. She made a face as she took in the moaning Ronald laid out upon the pavement. She then turned to him disapprovingly.

"Beating up on Ronald again?"

"Who me?" he said, giving her the most innocent smile. He realized it was working as she lowered her head to the sidewalk to hide the smile now creeping across her lips.

"You can't just go around beating up innocent clowns"

"He hugged me!"

"Well, couldn't you have just been friendly?" she smirked. "For once?"

"Not _that_ friendly". She shook her head, her ruby red locks falling over her face.

"What am I going to do with you?"

He smiled. "I have a few ideas". He lowered his head to kiss her, but she moved away.

"Later", she started to walk towards the McDonalds. "I'm late for a study session at Vanessa's". He watched her as she disappeared around the corner. Disappointed he turned back to the McDonald's to see Ronald being lifted into the Ambulance Van. Damn. He was sure that he had been about to get some. Stupid Clown. He would get his. He grinned evilly as Ronald caught his eye and started screaming. Reluctantly, he started back on his trip to the Atrox meeting. It was the last thing he wanted to do. Kelly was on her period and Tymmie was going through his second childhood. If he had to hear about the Lion King one more time…

"Like…O MI GOOOOOOD!"

Oh no.

"It's STANTON!". His eyes widened as a ditsy, blonde girl of about fourteen, and her equally ditsy friend began to race after him. He quickly transformed into a shadow against a nearby building and began to curse to himself. It was enough trouble in his life that he was a Prince of Darkness, but nooo. Someone had to publish his entire life story. And where did she get his picture from anyway? If he ever found this Lynne Ewing they were going to sit down and have a serious talk. When he was sure that the girls were gone, he stepped out of the shadow world and proceeded on to his destination.

* * *

When he had finally reached the raggedy, torn- down, three- story building, he rang the doorbell. He groaned as Tymmie came to the door, his eyes starry and bright.

" Why, Stanton! So glad you could make it!" He motioned to the doll in his hands. "Wanna play with Barbie?" Stanton rolled his eyes and trying his best not to blast Tymmie then and there, made his way into the living room, to meet an angry Kelly.

"What are you doing in my house, Bitch?!"

"It's Stanton, and this isn't you're house".

"Oh…"

"Wait, Stanton! It's not just ANY Barbie", said Tymmie, who was still at the front door disappointed that no one would play with him.

"Shut the fuck up!" Kelly roared for no apparent reason.

"It's MALIBU BARBIE!"

That was it. It was all Stanton's puny mind could take, and it was then, people that Stanton lost his mind.

Tymmie leaned over his better and gasped at the sight of him twitching on the floor. "Is he… dead?" he spoke fearfully, as he poked at Stanton with a Barbie leg. Kelly shrugged.

"I don't really care… but we have to get him the hell out of here before everyone else arrives"

Suddenly, the doorbell rang, and lots of screaming and shouting could be heard outside. Tymmie and Kelly turned to each other.

"Maybe we just shouldn't answer it", Kelly offered, hoping that they would go away.

The bell rang again, this time furiously. Whoever was out there was getting pretty impatient.

"I'd better get it", Kelly sighed reluctantly. "We'll just say he got drunk and fell out on the floor. We'll be fine".

Tymmie wasn't convinced as he sat on his play mat clutching his Malibu Barbie and Simba plush toy.

"Who is it", Kelly asked, her voice trembling.

"It's like Brit- tannyyyyyy and Marshaaaa!"

Kelly raised an eyebrow and looked at Tymmie. "Ever heard of them?"

Tymmie, however, was slapping Stanton with Barbie's Malibu Dollhouse in attempt to wake him, and was too busy to reply.

"Stop that, you idiot!"

"Like… what is going onnnn in there?"

"I'll be right there", Kelly sighed and swung open the door to reveal the same fan girls that Stanton had encountered earlier. "Wha… who the hell are you?"

The blonde rolled her eyes and twisted her hair around her finger. "Well, DUH! My name is like Marsha, and we are like, loyal fans of the Stanton Club!"

"The Stanton Club?"

"Totally!" They both sang in a sickeningly sweet voice.

"It is our dutyyyy", started the brunette. "To bring Stanton back to the fan cluuuuuub where he will make us his wives!"

Kelly, who was now suffering from a headache, shut the door.

"Those girls are _seriously_ demented"

"Tell me about it", Tymmie said, as he gave up, realizing that his pathetic attempt to wake Stanton was probably just making it worse. "Hey, wait a minute! We wanna get rid of Stanton, don't we?"

Kelly rolled her eyes. "Well, duh, dumb ass"

Tymmie ignored the remark. "And those girls want to take him, right?"

Kelly nodded, but was obviously too stupid to comprehend anything.

"You do see where I'm going with this, right?"

Kelly gave him a look apparently stating that she didn't. He took her by the shoulders. "If we give him to the Britney Spears wannabees out there, we can just tell everyone that he hasn't arrived yet. It's perfect".

"Oh", she responded, still taking it all in.

"Get out there!" He shoved her towards the door. Giving him a 'you're dead' look, she opened the door to find the girls setting camp on the doorstep.

"Girls?" She motioned for Tymmie to drag Stanton's body to the door. "Quick! Before he wakes up".

"Like, yes?" Brittany responded, looking up from her issue of Totally Stanton Magazine.

"We've reconsidered", Kelly smiled, an evil glint glowing in her eyes.


	2. Amnesia

A dazed Stanton came to, his head pounding from the night before. Groaning, he lifted himself off of a dusty, concrete floor. Pressing his fingers to his temples, he tried to see through the darkness surrounding him, but he had no luck. Terror clawed at his chest as he realized that he had absolutely no idea where he was. Or who he was for that matter…

"Hello?" he called, hoping that someone would hear him. "Is anyone there?" And with that, light flooded in from the opposite side of the room.

"Like, Marsha?!!" Brittany screamed, as she started to hyperventilate. "He's… AWAKE!" Then like a thousand fingernails screeching across a chalkboard, dozens of other girls started whooping and hollering caught up in the joy that was Stanton.

"Like O mi GAWD!"

"Is he really awake?"

"I wanna feel his hair!"

"I wanna touch his (bleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep)"

Stanton, realizing that no matter who he was, this had to be bad, began to dodge around the room, feeling for an exit.

Their chants began to get closer. "STANTON! STANTON!"

Realizing that there was no way out, he began to tear at the walls, which was stupid and had absolutely no affect on his situation.

They were at the doorway now. "STANTON! STANTON!"

After a few broken nails and splinters, Stanton realized that he was defeated. And then, cowering in a corner, Stanton began to cry like the baby he was. Seeing this and being as demented as they were, they were even more turned on. Realizing that his crying routine wasn't working but only making him look like a wimp, he jumped up and simply backed against the wall.

"Now girls…"

And with the sound of his voice, masses of teenagers (and an old woman or two), ran for him.

"AGH!" he screamed, as hundreds of hands ran over every inch of his body.

"Brittany!" screamed one of the Stanton- crazed girls. "Cut the light on! I totally can't see".

"Oh, right", Brittany said, and after reluctantly taking her hands off Stanton, she clapped them together, twice.

Suddenly, Stanton snapped back. He knew what had happened, who he was, and that he definitely wasn't about to be raped by tons of little girls. Then with a thought, every girl (and older woman) went staggering back against the walls. That was it. This Ewing person was definitely on the list with Ronald now. Brushing his hair back, he began to take in the room around him, impressed at what he saw. It was like looking in a mirror. Posters of him covered every wall. There were a few pictures of Serena with darts stuck through them. Shaking his head and then laughing to himself, he started towards the door from which the fan girls had entered, when someone stepped into the doorway. Recognition sprung across his face when he realized who it was.

"You?!" he eyed her angrily and then tried to lower his tone. He actually felt sorry for her as he laid eyes on her revealing, yet unbelievably ugly wedding dress.

"Oh, Stanton!" she sighed, as she slipped her arms around him. He started to resist when she interrupted.

"Oh" she frowned at the lights on the ceiling. "I almost forgot". And with a clap of her hands, he could feel himself slipping. He struggled, and then losing his last grip on reality, sunk back into the unknown.

"Where am I?" he asked. "Who are you?"

"Oh, Stanton!" The woman put him in a bear hug.

"Can't… breathe" He was turning as blue as the circles under her eyes. Suddenly, there was a moan from across the room, and Marsha emerged from the shadows.

"Like, Cassandra!"

"You will address me as 'Madame Cassandra'", Cassandra scolded her as Stanton passed out in her arms.

"Like, whateveeeeeeer", she smacked on her gum. "He doesn't like you anywaaaaaay!"

Cassandra gasped as if she didn't know. "He does too!"

"You wish! I totally read book four".

"Book fiiiiiive, Marsha", a solemn Brittany stepped out from the darkness and shook her head. "It was book fiiiiive".

Suddenly, Marsha's face went pale. "No", she shuddered. "It can't be".

"Oh, but it can Marsha"

"Like, how could you Marsha?"

"Children today", an old woman muttered from the back of the room.

"Marshaaaaa…" started Brittany. "You will turn over your crown. You are no longer a member of the Totally Stanton Club".

The girl looked as if she could die as she pulled out her Burger King hat from her pocket and tremblingly, placed it in Brittany's palm.

Brittany nodded and with a single tear, she pointed to the open doorway. "You are dismissed".

"… LIKE NOOOOOOOOOO!" Marsha latched on to Brittany's feet and began to slobber all over them like an idiot.

"Hey! THOSE ARE MY NEW K.SWISS YA BITCH!" and with that, she sent her best friend sailing out of the doorway.

"BUMMER!" Marsha stood up and then ran off to kill herself.

"Glad that's over", Cassandra sighed as she ran a brush through her wispy, maroon hair. "How do I look?"

Brittany just stared at her, unable to tell her the truth. She was never brushing her hair in the dark. That was for sure.

"Well?" Cassandra asked, striking a pose and almost tripping over her wedding dress.

"Uh", Brittany gasped. "Stellar?"

Cassandra beamed. "I know! This'll be perfect". She clasped her hands together, and Stanton sat up rubbing his head. Immediately realizing who she was, he dodged at her.

"Cassandra-"

"Oops" she clapped her hands together as quickly as she could, and Stanton rammed into a wall.

"Owie… Wha? Who am I?" He spotted Cassandra.

"That's better", she crooned as he stumbled towards her.

"Are you my mommy?"

Uh oh.


	3. The Orgy that is Burger King

"Baby hit me one more time! My loneliness! Is killing me AND III-"

"SHUT UP! JUST SHUT UP, VANESSA!"

Catty gasped as she realized that everyone was staring at her. Composing herself, she smoothed her skirt out, and sat back down on Serena's fiery, red carpet. She had only just said what everyone else had wanted to say for a month now. Singing at Planet Bang and at practices was one thing, but Vanessa had begun to sing everywhere: at the mall, at the Dentist, in the shower…

"Now Catty. There's no need to be angry. Don't forget. I'm here for you. Would you like a cookie?" Vanessa gave a sugary sweet smile as she handed her a box of Oreos. Catty sighed. Maybe there was such a thing as being too nice…

Serena was paying no attention to them. Instead she was gazing out the window waiting for Stanton. They had all decided to spend the day at Serena's just so she wouldn't have to leave the house. She would hate if they had waited for nothing.

"He's not coming", said Jimena and Collin in monotone.

Serena rolled her eyes and turned around to face them. "How do you two DO that?" she asked, putting a hand to her forehead. "And will you take those damn things off?" She pointed to their T- shirts. Imprinted on them was 'We Hat Stanton!' and a picture of Stanton's head with a big red X through it. It was obvious that Collin had made them from the misspelling of 'hate'. She glared at Tianna who was across the room, sporting the same T-shirt. That girl would do anything for candy.

"Mmmm, Starburst", she smiled, drunkenly as Collin tossed her another pack. Serena shook her head. She thought that Jimena would come to like Stanton after she had lost her memories, but things remained the same as they had always been, and with Collin dating her, it wasn't too difficult for him to take her side.

"You drive me CRAZY! I just can't sleep! I'm so excited! I'm in too deep!"

"ARGH!" Catty screamed and marched out of the room.

"Now Catty", Vanessa chased after her. Everyone took a sigh of relief when she was gone. That was enough Britney Spears for one day.

Serena spotted a Ronald McDonald blimp in the air, and a smile crossed her lips as she thought of Stanton. She missed him so much. Maybe she shouldn't have dismissed him the other day. Besides she was horny and there was nothing better to do. Sighing, she walked back across the room to play Bullshit with the We Hat Stanton Club.

* * *

"Oh, Stanton! We have so much to catch up on!" Cassandra moaned in his ear and jumped on him. Stanton's eyes went wide with repulsion and he immediately tried to pry her off of him. Soon everyone's attention was on them. Dirty old men cheered him on and rooted for him, and mothers tried to shield their children's eyes from the orgy that was now Burger King.

Stanton had to do something fast. "Hey", he shouted, to catch her attention. "Why don't you sit over there?" He pointed to the booth across from him.

"Oh", she smiled sensually as she slunk into the other booth. "So you wanna play hard to get". He sighed relieved that she had released him… for the moment. He had to get a restraining order on this chick…

"Do you like the shirt I made for you?"

He glanced down at the shirt, reminding him once again of his embarrassment. She had made him take off the sweater he had over it. If this Stanton guy that he was supposed to be actually liked this shirt, then he deserved someone like her. There on a background of purple and hot pink read: ME STANTON.

"It's ah… okay"

She sighed. "Oh Stanton! That's what I love about you!" And with that she leaped across the table and into his arms. Burger King had had enough. A big, masculine and obviously angry … person stepped out from behind the counter.

"I'm the manager here, and this is simply NOT acceptable!"

Cassandra tossed her hair back, her arms wrapped around Stanton's neck. "Your point being?"

The… manager's eyes widened. "How DARE you!"

Stanton began to panic. "She didn't mean that, sir! I mean ma' am! I mean… manager… person.

"I won't stand for this!" The manager shouted and then clapped her/ his fat hands against their thighs.

Stanton blinked, becoming himself again.

"Stanton?" Cassandra asked, worry flashing across her features. Stanton scowled when he saw her and then shoved her into the booth where they had been sitting.

"WILL YOU JUST LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE, WOMAN?! HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU?! WE'RE THROUGH! T- H- R- E … wait a minute…"

Then without warning the L. A. P. D stormed into the glass doors. He rolled his eyes. Just what he needed. More cops on his tail. He was about to dissolve into shadow when he saw Ronald march in with them. Well, more like hop. He apparently had still not recovered from their last encounter. Bandages covered almost every inch of the clown's body. An evil grin played on Stanton's lips. If Ronald was here he could stay a while.

"There he is, officer! That's the man that almost killed me!"

"You", shouted a lazy officer, munching on a jelly donut. "Put your arms in the air". Stanton just stood there, his attention on Ronald. He could hear Cassandra babbling on in the background.

"Oh, this'll be good!"

"Just shut up."

"Okay."

Ronald started to back away, rethinking his decision. He looked to the police for help, but they were now discussing Officer Sal's playboy magazine and who was going to buy donuts next time.

"No one can save you now. It's just you and me, Ronald"

He glared as Cassandra started to giggle in the background.

"Shut up, woman!"

"Whatever"

He turned back to the now terrified clown.

"Why did you come, Ronald?"

"Ah… eee… ooohh… eee"

"You really are a clown, Ronald"

"Why do you keep saying my name after every sentence?"

Stanton paused. He would have to think about that…

"Stanton!"

Oh no. He glanced in the direction of the voice and heard Cassandra groaning. He swallowed hard as he watched an angry Serena, Jimena, Tianna, Catty, Vanessa, and to his surprise, Collin, walking through the door.

"You stood me up so you could beat up on RONALD?!" she yelled, after grimacing at his new shirt.

Ronald saw this as a chance to annoy him. "He threatened me, ma' am".

Stanton threw a killer glare in his direction and he whimpered away.

"What did we tell you Serena?"

Serena groaned. "Jimena don't start"

Collin rose up a sign reading: Don with Stanton!

"Down with Stanton! Down with Stanton!"

Jimena joined in. "Down with Stanton!"

Tianna just sat there looking bored until Jimena passed her a crunch bar, and she joined in as well. Soon everyone in Burger King was shouting, "Down with Stanton!" except for Serena, Stanton, Vanessa, Catty and Cassandra who just sat there, a look of amusement plastered over her face.

"Now people", started Vanessa. "People! I know just how to solve this!"

"Oh, no", Catty groaned and walked out the door.

"Now Catty", she shook her head and smiled her sugary, sweet smile. "She's such a silly- billy!"

Stanton raised an eyebrow at Vanessa. "Has she been drinking?" He whispered to Serena who was just shaking her head. Then Vanessa began.

"You say that you're in love with me. Like you can't take your pretty eyes away from meh!" Her smile widened as a crowd lifted her up from the ground.

"Sometimes I run! Sometimes I hide! Sometimes I'm sCAAAAAAAHHHHHH!" she screamed, as the crowd tossed her into a nearby dumpster.

"Well", said a wide- eyed Serena. "I guess she deserved that". She turned back to Stanton. "When are you going to stop messing with Ronald?"

"After I'm through with him. Hold on. I'll be done in a second"

"Stanton!"

"Just one little punch-"

"STANTON!"

"Fine", he groaned. He glared at the now smiling clown. _You're mine when I get you alone_, he spoke to him with his mind. Ronald cowered.

Serena shoved him. "What did you do?!"

"Nothing, and what if I did? What are you gonna do? Punish me?"

"Maybe", she smiled coyly and led him towards the door. Cassandra gagged and stuck a finger down her throat.

"Hold it right there!" He turned back to see the cops had decided to get back to their duty.

"Come on", he whispered into Serena's ear and started to dissolve them into shadows, when something threw him off. He turned around to see Cassandra clapping her hands slowly on the other side of the room. And then with just enough time to lunge at her and shout, "Damn you, woman!" he lost himself once again.

Serena let out a cry as Stanton rammed into the counter.

"Stanton!" She shook him around. "Are you okay?"

Jimena, Collin, and Tianna gave each other high- fives.

"Who… who are you?"

Confusion crossed Serena's face as the cops came over and picked him up.

"What the hell are you doing?!"

"He's been placed under arrest ma' am"

"On what charge?!"

"Abuse against clowns and women", one of the cops pointed at Cassandra who was now laughing her ass off.

"SHUT UP, WOMAN!" Serena barked at her and then turned her attention back to the police. "Where are you taking him?"

"Why that's none of yer business ma' am", said one of the officers through a long john donut. With that they carried Stanton outside and into the police car.

Serena ran to Vanessa's new pink, convertible and jumped inside. Vanessa sat there sobbing about the earlier events, a banana peel stuck in her usually golden, blonde hair. "FOLLOW THE PADDYWAGON!!!"

Vanessa sniffed. "The what, dear?"

Serena took her by the throat. "THE POLICE CAR! FOLLOW THE DAMN POLICE CAR!"

Shocked, Vanessa immediately stepped on the gas…… sending them ramming into the Burger King gate.

"Oopsie", giggled Vanessa.

"ARGH". Serena sent Vanessa flying out of the car and moved over to the driving seat.

"YOU'RE SO MEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAN!" Vanessa lay sobbing on the pavement.

Serena sighed. She hoped Stanton wasn't rubbing off on her. Then, waving at the sobbing Vanessa she backed the car up and flew out of the parking lot.


	4. Peaches and Cream

Stanton sat miserably in the Los Angeles Prison. After hours of incessant begging and abandonment of self- respect, it had got him no where. So now he just sat upon a musty, dirt- ridden bunk bed and sang softly to himself.

"Fighting crime. Trying to save the world"

He heard shifting beneath him and stopped for a second. When he was sure that nothing was there, he continued on.

"Here they come just in time"

He paused and listened once again.

"The Power Puff Girls"

Not shortly after he had finished his song, a pillow came sailing at his head. Barely dodging it, he looked down to see who had thrown it. Two muscle bound men stood below him, several tattoos and piercings covering their ripped bodies. They didn't look happy.

"Will you shut the fuck up?" one of them asked. "Some of us are tryin to-". He paused when he got a closer look at Stanton.

"Well lookie what we got here, Peaches", the other one spoke, a sadistic smile crossing his face.

"P- peaches?" Stanton asked. He was afraid. Very afraid.

"That's right". Peaches grinned, pulling the other guy to his side. "And this is my good buddy, Cream".

Stanton swallowed hard. Peaches and Cream? He didn't like the direction this was going in.

"So", started Cream. "Are you gonna come down from there, or do I have to come up and get you?"

Stanton had heard enough. Leaping from the top bunk, he grabbed on to the iron bars, guarding the cell. "GET ME OUT OF HERE! GET ME THE HELL OUT OF HERE!" The policeman that was guarding his cell just reached for another donut and shrugged. "Told you not to drop the soap"

"What soap?" Stanton asked stupidly.

"Hey BOB come here! We got another one!"

Stanton sighed, relieved that he was about to be saved. He just wished that they would hurry. He gasped as Peaches and Cream continued to advance on him.

"Oh boy!" Officer Bob came in and took a seat beside the Prison Guard. Then handing him some popcorn, they both sat there watching anxiously.

Stanton's eyes widened as he realized what was going on. "OH COME ON! THIS IS JUST SICK AND WRONG!" He sunk deeper into the bars as he turned around to face his attackers. Peaches licked his lips, and Cream whipped out some baby oil. Stanton gulped. What was he going to do with that? The officers broke into wild fits of laughter and lucky for Stanton, they began to applaud. Shaking his head, Stanton began to drift back to himself. Opening his eyes, he frowned. He would have to find a cure for this. Anger flashed across his features when he found Peaches's hand on his ass, and with one look, he put them both into permanent comas. With that, he easily pried the bars open and stepped out to find the officers staring at him in amusement. Replacing their amusement with greed, he started to walk off. He could hear the officers going at it about who would get the last donut. He cussed to himself, his anger building every second. He had ass to kick and this time, it wasn't Ronald's.

* * *

Kelly groaned as Tymmie sung along with his new favorite movie.

"Oh, I just can't WAIT to be KIIIIIIING!"

Karyl jumped onto the dirty, blue couch. "Dude, I LOVE that song!"

Kelly rolled her eyes in disbelief. "Karyl, not you too!"

Karyl jumped up from the couch and started to – pathetically- dance. Tymmie decided to join, but was just as pathetic as Karyl. Kelly made no attempt to hide her frustration. She was an Initiate, not a babysitter. Her eyes went wide as Karyl started to strip butt- naked in the middle of the room. She grimaced in disgust and turned away. She had told him about those drugs…

"Damn, Karyl", she bellowed, tired of the chaos that was going on right before her eyes. "Will you put some damn clothes on?!" Karyl just continued to show his natural born ass when the doorbell rang. Startled, Karyl went diving into the TV set and was immediately electrocuted. Grave expressions crossed Tymmie and Kelly's faces. He had committed the ultimate sin, destruction of the television set. Angry beyond reason, they both grabbed the broken antennas and began to beat his bare- naked legs with them. Karyl began to scream and struggled to get loose but was trapped between the television screen. The bell rung again.

"Will you get that Tymmie?" Kelly asked as she grabbed a knife ready to castrate her roommate.

"Can't", he responded. "Too busy beating Karyl's ass!"

Suddenly, the floor beneath them shook, and they all turned around to see a fuming Stanton in the doorway. Tymmie and Kelly gasped and took a step backwards as their leader stormed into the room, stepping over the door he had just knocked down.

"Who", he panted ready to blast anyone in a 500 mile radius. "Was it?"

Kelly grinned nervously and put her hand on Stanton's shoulder. "Was what, your highness?" He smacked her hand away and seized her by the neck.

"Don't play games with me. Now I'll ask you again and this time I want a straight answer. Who is responsible for this?"

Kelly let out a nervous giggle and pointed to Tymmie who pointed to Karyl who didn't have anyone to point to and just sat there in the television set looking stupid. Stanton gave him an inquisitive look before walking over to confront him. He had to be more alert of what his pupils did when he wasn't around. "What happened?" he asked Karyl, freezing him with the devil's glare.

"I, ah, I, uh, um, Tymmie and um the Lion King, dancing, um, OWIIEEE", he moaned as Stanton punched him upside the head.

"If that's what I had wanted to hear, I would have asked Ronald"

"Stanton, man, I don't know what you're talking about. I didn't even make that meeting. I was out getting wasted. Kelly and Tymmie were the only ones home"

Stanton turned back around to see his other two roommates inching their way out the front doorway. "KELLY! TYMMIE! GET BACK HERE, NOW!" They both hurried back in and sat down on the couch, fear plastered over their faces.

"Who the hell turned me over to Cassandra?"

"Stanton, we haven't seen Cassandra since-"

"THE TOTALLY STANTON CLUB!" he reminded them, losing his patience. There was a long pause in which the now bored Karyl started to whistle the Andy Griffith Show theme. Finally, Tymmie spoke up.

"Kelly turned you over to them"

"He made me do it!"

"She said she didn't care if you were dead or not!"

"He beat you with Malibu Barbie's Dollhouse!"

"I GOTTA PISS!" Karyl shouted from the broken television set. Tymmie jumped up and pointed at him. "He broke the TV set!" Finding something they could agree on, Kelly jumped up as well. "YEAH!"

Stanton put his face in his hands and then looked back up at them. "How did you knock me out anyway?"

"Dude, we didn't" said Tymmie, finally telling the truth.

"Yeah", Kelly agreed. "You were standing there and all of a sudden, you just lost it".

"Don't lie to me", Stanton argued, but when he looked into their minds he saw that they were telling the truth. He really had lost his mind. He started towards the door, and then turned back around.

"Oh, I almost forgot", he stared at Kelly and Tymmie, the relief falling from their faces, and with a thought, they were both staring blankly into space. Karyl panicked immediately.

"What did you do to them?!"

"I only fazed them temporarily. I'll deal with their insubordination when I get back". He decided to leave Karyl alone. He was trapped enough as it was. Then with his work done there, he continued out the open space that used to be the front door.

"STANTON, WAIT! WHAT ABOUT ME?! YOU CAN'T LEAVE ME HERE, MAN!"

"Watch me", Stanton responded as Karyl's cries grew distant. He had to get back to his own problems. There was only one person who could help him, and he knew exactly where to find her.


	5. Bogus Medievel Times

Authors Note: Hola people! I have recently read book 12: The Becoming and due to the fact that I don't want to make any spoilers O.O, This fic will continue as if it were right after book 11. Thanx! .

* * *

Moans echoed from the building before him and he grimaced in disgust. Usually he tried to steer clear of this place, but being forced under certain circumstances, he had no choice. He stepped onto the worn, dirt ridden doormat, and rung the bell.

"I'll be right there!" a voice shouted breathlessly from upstairs. He waited for about ten minutes when a disheveled Catty came to the door, her brown hair in disarray. He frowned in disapproval as he watched Derek, Kyle, and a few other guys from school walk out the front door, satisfied smiles on their faces. When they were gone, Catty turned to him nervously.

"Um… I can explain"

"No need to explain", he watched as a butt naked Michael and Murray climbed out of the window. "Everyone knows you're a whore". He went on before she could retaliate. "Anyway, I need your help with something".

A horny smile crossed her face.

"Not that"

She looked disappointed and pulled her spaghetti strap back up. "Well what is it then? I don't have much time. Things to see. People to do…"

He made a face. "I'm sure… but speaking of time"

"Yeah?" Catty asked hastily as she pulled her green micro- mini skirt up.

"I need you to take me back in time and keep me from going crazy"

Catty groaned and waved when she saw Collin marching up the lawn. "I don't have the time", she whined, turning back to Stanton.

"Make time then. I'm not leaving until I get what I want".

"Fine" Catty murmured and with that she grabbed his arm and they instantly fell into the tunnel of time. It took a few seconds before they stumbled out onto a cement floor. Stanton stood up and shook his head. "Where are we?"

"Looks like McDonalds" Catty responded, pulling herself from the ground. Stanton froze when he heard a familiar voice near the counter. He turned around to see him, Serena, and Ronald talking. "Quick", he grabbed Catty and sunk into a dark corner. "Over here".

"Stanton", he could hear Serena whispering. "It's not you. It's me". Stanton tensed. He had never heard those words before. They had to be in-

"The future" Catty whispered from his side. "We're in the future". He watched in horror as Serena slipped her arms around Ronald.

"I'm sorry Stanton", she sighed running her fingers through the clown's red hair. "Ronald just makes me… happy". Ronald giggled and looked at Serena.

"I love to see you smile", he grinned and offered her a Big Mac.

"Oh, Ronald, I love it when you use trademarks on me!"

Stanton glared, fire burning in his eyes. This was about all he could take. He ran at Ronald, but Catty pulled him back.

"Hey! Do you wanna get caught?!" She began to open up the tunnel, but Stanton refused to be pulled in. "Must! Kick! Ronald's! Ass!" He watched as the future Stanton rammed into Ronald and started beating him to a pulp. Reluctantly, he let himself slip into the time warp. In a matter of minutes, the tunnel stopped, and they went flying into a mass of tables and chairs. Stanton looked up.

"Oh… no". Across from them, a wall read: Mrs. Krueger's Third Grade Class. Catty giggled nervously. "My third grade teacher". Stanton grabbed her by the shoulders. "GET ME THE HELL OUTTA HERE!" But before she could open the tunnel, a large woman grabbed his ear.

"No, swearing in class, young man!" She dragged him to the front of the class. "Now take your seat!"

"But-"

"NO BUTS!"

He groaned and started to toy with her mind, but thought better of it. Horrible things had happened to people who had played with time. Glaring, he squeezed his fat ass into the seat, looking around at his other classmates. A spitball flew at his head. He turned around to give the kid who had thrown it a death glare.

"MOMMY"

The teacher reached for his ear again.

"Do you know what happens to bullies in my class?"

He didn't answer; too busy sticking his tongue out at the little boy.

"MR…… what's your name?"

"Christina Aguilera", he responded, sarcasm seeping through his voice.

"Mr. ALGULERA!"

"Aguilera"

"Whatever", she spanked his hand with a ruler. "Go sit in the corner!"

Stanton grumbled and drudged over to the corner, massaging his hand.

"Now sit there and think about what you've done!"

He sat there bored, his chin resting in his hand, glaring at Catty who was laughing her ass off outside the door.

"Spppssss! Christina!" He glanced to the side to see a little girl flashing him by the window. Without asking, he knew who it was.

"Catty!" a more serious girl with glasses piped up from behind her. "I thought I told you to stop that…" She turned back to her book. "Baby hit me one more time…"

Stanton sighed and turned to the older Catty. _I can't take this any more_, he forced his thoughts into her mind. Catty, who had obviously been enjoying herself, frowned and strutted into the classroom.

"Hi", she smiled at the teacher before winking at a boy with glasses. "I'm Mrs. Aguilera! Christina's mother!"

Mrs. Krueger frowned at him and he rolled his eyes back. "Your son has been a VERY bad boy, Mrs. Aguilera!"

"I know. I know. I'll punish him properly". She grinned at Stanton who stuck a finger down his throat.

When they had reached the outside of the school, he glowered down on her. "You'll get me to the right place or I'll-"

"Or you'll what?" Catty challenged.

"I'll tell everyone you have crabs"

Catty frowned, defeated. "Deal"

"I thought so"

Taking his hand, they yet again dived into the tunnel. When they had arrived, Stanton looked up, finally recognizing his surroundings. "We're a block from the house!"

Catty looked around her, taking in the abandoned warehouses and dirty, old apartment buildings. Suddenly, a blonde girl tugged at her shoulder.

"Huh?" she asked, turning to her.

"Like, do you knoooooow where to find Stanton's hooooouuuuse?"

"Oh that's easy", Catty smiled. She would finally get something right. "It's just down the block!"

"Like thanks!" piped the girl. "Um… which one?"

Catty turned to Stanton. "Which one is it?"

He paused lost in his own thoughts. "Hm… oh, the hell hole in the middle".

Catty turned back to them. "The hell hole in the middle"

The girls smiled evilly. "Like THANK YOU!"

"Who were you talking to?" Stanton asked. "Don't tell me you know anyone from around_ here_, Goddess". He thought of the butt naked Murray climbing out of the window. "Or maybe you do…"

"I was just talking to the girls up there", she pointed to the blonde and her friend who were now ringing the doorbell.

He gaped at her in horror.

She stared back confused. "What?! They seemed really nice. They just wanted to know where you lived so they could… oh…" She turned to him, an awkward smile crossing her face. "Oops".

They both watched as Stanton's body was dragged out of house, his ass bumping against the steps. Stanton groaned. So that's why it had been so sore lately. Taking in a deep breath, he turned to Catty, fighting the temptation to rip her throat out. For if he did, Serena would stop talking to him meaning that he wouldn't get any for months. Maybe years.

"Just… take us back"

Catty gazed at his sympathetically. "Stanton I-"

"Just do it"

Touching his arm, she took them back into the tunnel. In a few seconds, they were on solid ground, and once again, Catty had messed up. He jumped up ready to cuss her from A to Z when he realized where he was. His entire face turned pale as he backed away from the scene, too overwhelmed to say a word.

"What's wrong", Catty asked, munching on a Big Mac she had picked up at McDonalds. When he wouldn't answer, she got bored and turned to some creepy guys next to her. "What up?" she asked through a mouth full of burger.

"Do you know where to find the young prince?" One of them asked, rubbing their pale hands together maliciously. She shrugged.

"I dunno. Why don't you check that big castle place right there?" She pointed to a castle with her Big Mac.

"Thank you, ma'am", one of them praised her. "We were just about to give up our search". With that, they dissolved into shadows and headed towards the castle.

"Weird", Catty muttered. "Wasn't that weird, Sta-"

She stopped in mid sentence when she saw Stanton. He was glaring at her, pure murder in his eyes. She backed away slowly.

"Now, Stanton…"

"It was you?"

"Huh?"

"YOU turned me over to the Atrox?"

She gasped, her eyes suddenly widening. "LOOK! IT'S THE POWERPUFF GIRLS!"

He spun around, quickly to meet his favorite super heroes, but didn't see anything. He turned back around confused.

"Where?" To his surprise Catty had disappeared inside of the castle doors. Groaning, he put a hand to his forehead. He had to stop falling for that. Then without delay, he lunged after Catty.

"HELP!" Catty screamed into the various rooms of the castle. "HE'S CHASING ME!" She hushed when a familiar sound reached her ears.

"Don't cry", a girl's voice rang through the darkness. "I'll find a way to get us out".

"Vanessa?" Catty asked, sure that it was her best friend. "Is that you?" She caught a glimpse of Vanessa, a little boy in her arms, running through the corridors.

"VANESSA!" Catty screamed, running after her. "PUT THAT KID DOWN, GET YOUR ASS BACK HERE, AND SAVE ME!"

Suddenly, someone stepped out from the shadows. "Surprise", Stanton whispered before reaching for her. Catty screamed.

"VANESSA!" she chased after her, Stanton fast on her tail. When they reached a staircase, Catty grabbed Vanessa's ankle sending her tumbling down the stairs. Vanessa released the little boy and he soon vanished within the darkness. Not much later than that, a hand grabbed Vanessa's and she was gone. Catty just stared blankly.

"Where the hell are we? Some kind of bogus Medieval Times?"

"You crazy bitch!"

She swallowed hard when she saw Stanton coming at her, and as quickly as she could, she opened the tunnel and dived inside.


	6. YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THE LAST OF ME, RONALD ...

Stanton scowled in fustration as he opened the glass door to McDonalds. He had spent the whole day chasing Catty up and down Hollywood Boulevard, but she had still managed to get away. She probably traveled back in time, but no matter. He would find her and when he did, oh boy, when he did...

"Stanton", a girl's voice sounded from the counter. "Stanton is that you?"

He looked up to see Serena staring at him, her crimson hair pouring down her back, reflecting the sunlight.

"Serena", he started for her, but then remembered his encounter in the future. Eyes wide, he backed up towards the door. "I, ah..."

"Stanton, I have to talk to you about something"

He reached for the door, but she ran around him, blocking his way. "You won't believe this"

He put his hands to his ears. "YADDAYADDAYADDAYADDA! I CAN'T HEAR YOOOOUUUU!"

"I'm pregant!"

He turned as pale as the moon. "WHAT?!" He croaked. Red spots blocked his vision. He had told her to take those birth control pills. "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"Stanton!"

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

And with that, he blacked out.

Moments later, he awoke to Serena's deep eyes......... and commenced to scream. "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

"Stanton, I was just kidding"

"Whew..."

"No, I wasn't"

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"Jus playing with ya"

He heaved and grabbed her by the shoulders. "DON'T EVER SCARE ME LIKE THAT AGAIN!" He gasped for air and used a handful of McDonalds napkins to wipe the sweat from his face. Unfortunately, they were covered in ketchup.

"AGH! MY EYES!"

After ten minutes of washing ketchup out of Stanton's eyes, he sat down on a counter booth, taking Serena in his arms. "So" He began, blinking out the last remaining bits of ketchup. "What is it that you _really_ wanted to tell me?"

"Stanton", she started before turning her face to his. "I'm in love"

"So am I". he grinned bending down to kiss her. He frowned angrily when she moved away. He hadn't gotten any in weeks now.

"With Ronald"

"WHAT THE FUCK?!" Stanton pulled away from her and stared into her eyes. "Tell me you're kidding"

"Sadly no", she grinned at the door and motioned for someone to come inside. Without looking, he knew who it was. He glared as the redhead came in and flopped on a booth beside Serena.

"It's not you-"

"It's me", he finished for her."You're sorry and Ronald just makes you happy. He loves to see you smile and you love it when he uses trademarks on you. YES, I KNOW!"

He gasped somewhat embarrassed when he saw everyone staring at him strangely.

"Well, actually", started Serena. "He's just better in bed than you, but if that's what you want to believe..."

Stanton just stared at her, wide eyed. And he thought Catty was a whore...

"Eheheheheheh", Stanton chuckled under his breath. He didn't know what he was about to do, but it would be worth it. Grabbing two ketchup spray cans, he pointed them at Ronald. He was sure it would work. He saw it on Good Burger. Smiling evilly, he pulled the triggers. The nozzles, however, were pointed at him.

"AGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGH! MY EYES!"

He roared as he heard Serena and Ronald scrambling to the exit. "YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THE LAST OF ME, RONALD McDONALD! MWAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA- ACK ACK ACK ACK!" He ran out of the McDonalds, coughing and laughing at the same time. Parents held on to their children as he stumbled down the street, ketchup covering his face, murder escaping from his lips.

"Must! Kill! Ronald!"

A little boy ran away from him, screaming for his mother. He only laughed, a maniacal smile covering his face. It was then, people, that Stanton decided to blast everyone in a 300 mile radius.

"This time, Ronald", he muttered as he watched an old lady with a cane flailing through the air. "It's personal".

* * *

"And in todays news", the reporter spoke from the new television. "A young man terrorized the city today by blasting everyone in a 200- no- 300 mile radius!" A few pictures were shown of old women and various other people stuck in trees or on top of buildings. 

"In other news, our favorite clown has a NEW FIANCEE!" Stanton clicked off the television as a picture of Ronald and Serena flashed on the screen.

"Hey, isn't that the daughter?" Karyl spoke up, still resting in the old television. He had covered the sides with pictures and homey designs.

"More importantly", Kelly sneered. "Isn't that the daughter you've been specializing on?"

Stanton gave her a crazy look, the dried ketchup cracking off of his face. She shuddered in disgust and decided to leave the matter alone.

"Hey, Tymmie", Karyl started. "When are you going to go shopping for my television? I told you it needs some curtains!"

"Man", Tymmie said, concern in his voice. "Will you just come out the television?! I'm beginning to worry about you".

"Nevaaaaaaa", Karyl spoke in a quiet mysterious voice, hugging his television protectively.

Kelly sighed. "Why didn't I listen to my mother and go to beauty school?"

"Cause you love us?" Tymmie teased.

"You wish", she gagged and started to put her make up on. "Anyway, I'm going to Planet Bang tonight. Coming?"

Stanton rose from his place on the couch. "I'll go". He smirked, his intentions cruel. Serena would come crying back to him. She'd regret her dumping him. No one dumped him and got away with it.

"I hope not like that". Kelly made a face at his clothes, face and hair. All covered in ketchup.

"Right", he went to the bathroom, kicking Karyl's television on the way there. It fell over and the pictures and designs tumbled to the carpet.

"AW, MAAAAAAN", Karyl whined. "Now I have to start all OVER!"

Stanton ignored him and closed the door before walking to the sink and cutting on the water. He ran his fingertips across a picture of Serena he had hanging above the sink.

"Soon, my love", he chuckled crazily. "Soo- AAAAAAAAAAGH!" He cried out as a piece of dried ketchup fell into his eyes.


	7. Smells Like Febreze

Stanton stepped into the building and squinted as the red and white lights scanned the dance floor of Planet Bang. Looking up at the stage, he could see Vanessa performing, her blonde hair wild and crazy over her eyes.

"I'm a… slaaaaaaaaaaave! For you! I can't deny it! I'm not tryna hide it!" She stopped when a few tomatoes came sailing into her forehead and suddenly fell unconscious to the stage floor. Stanton watched as Michael used his brand new Reeboks to inch her off the foot of the stage and as she pummeled towards the ground, the crowd grabbed her and carried her to the back dumpster. Smirking in amusement, Stanton looked down to see Kelly slipping her arms around him.

"Dance with me?" She asked, teasingly. He started to accept her offer, when he spotted Serena and Ronald doing the Hokey Pokey through the crowd. He turned back to her.

"Maybe later", an evil grin spread over his features. Pushing around a disappointed Kelly, he made his way to the back of the club.

"Hi, Serena".

Serena gasped and spun around to face him. "Stanton". She squeaked. "What a pleasant surprise".

"Isn't it though?" He slipped his arms around her. "How have you been?"

She laughed nervously and pointed to Ronald. Stanton cocked an eyebrow at him. What did she see in this loser?

"You do the Hokey Pokey and you shake it all around! That what it's all abo-" He spotted Stanton and his eyes widened in fear.

"Stanton", Serena started. "You have to understand-"

"And I do understand". He smiled in mock innocence. "I understand that I have some unfinished business with Ronald".

"EEEEEP!" Ronald squealed and attempted to hide behind Serena. Unfortunately for him, Stanton reached around her and started to beat his brains out. Stanton cackled maniacally at the shrill cries of Ronald when:

"Now, Stanton". He reluctantly turned around to see Vanessa standing there, tomato juice and various other items staining her face and hair.

"What the hell is it? Can't you see I'm fucking busy here?" He sighed. Next time he beat Ronald's brains out, he would make sure that it was in a secluded area. Maybe Karyl's old bedroom. Since he didn't use it anymore…

"Well", gasped Vanessa. "Never in my life have I heard such potty language!" She took out a bar of Dove soap and then shook her head. "No, this just won't do!"

""Vanessa-" Serena started to complain.

"Now Serena!" She interrupted her and pulled out a double bar of Lever 2000 and some Febreze. "Vanessa knows best!" And with that, she forced the bar into Stanton's mouth and commenced to spray him with Febreze. Stunned and drunk from chemicals, he fell to the ground, his eyes rolled up in the back of his head.

Serena sighed. "Thanks, Vanessa"

Vanessa smiled sweetly. "No problem! Have a cookie!"

"STANTON?!!" A voice came from the throng of dancing teenagers. They both looked around to see Cassandra standing there in her now beat up (and still ugly) wedding dress. "IS THAT YOU?!"

She turned to glare at Serena. "WHAT DID YOU DO TO HIM?!"

"Ah", Serena grabbed Ronald and started to back away. "Later!"

Cassandra sighed and cradled Stanton's head in her arms. She would protect him forever. "Mmmmmm", she murmured as she ran her fingers through his hair. "Smells like Febreze…"

* * *

Stanton woke up to the blinding, white light of the sun and the smell of fried chicken. He groaned and put a hand to his head. "Where am I?" He asked himself before sniffing the air. "Smells like… Febreze".

"STANTON!" He looked across the table that he was sitting at to see Cassandra staring at him. "YOU'RE AWAKE!"

He started to complain, but decided that he was too weak. Sighing, he lay motionless against the booth that he was sitting in. "KFC?"

"Yep!"

"Why not Burger King?"

"Not allowed"

"I figured that". He picked up a piece of cold chicken and bit into it. "So what do you want from me now?"

"I think you know", she smirked and reached for his hand, but as usual he pulled away.

"Come ooooooon! Get off it, Cassandra! Why don't you stalk Karyl? He's got a really nice TV set-"

"I WANT YOU!"

"Too bad", he muttered before stuffing his face with fries. "Where's your little fanclub?"

"Oh, didn't you hear?" Cassandra started. "Collin's the new you. They're all with Jimena".

"Poor guy". He smiled sarcastically. "Well, I gotta go!" He started towards the door.

"Ah… I don't think you wanna go out there".

"Watch me- EEEEEEEEEEEEE!" He shrieked, taking in the mob of La Brea High students and fan girls outside. They all scowled at him angrily.

"DOWN WITH STANTON! DOWN WITH STANTON!"

"WE LIKE IKE!" Shouted a clueless Catty, waving a sign with what seemed to be Pikachu on it.

Collin and Jimena emerged from the crowd, grave expressions hovering over their faces.

"I pledge allegiance to the flag", started Collin. Jimena tapped him on the shoulder.

"Wrong speech, hon".

"Oh", he mumbled, sheepishly. "Anyway, Stanton, there comes a time when… what's this word?"

"Cruelty", Jimena answered.

"Cru-eu- ty MUST be STOPPED!"

"YEAH!" The crowd roared.

"When good must tr- tr-"

"Triumph"

"Tr- What- she – said over evil!"

"YEAH!"

"When… ugh", Colllin grabbed for his stomach. He immediately dived for a port potty, muttering something about burritos. In a few hours he was back. Stanton fanned at the smell with his hand. He wished that he had that Febreze right about now.

"Stanton", He stepped toward him.

"MmmHmm?" Stanton asked, holding his shirt over his nose.

"I challenge you… to a duel!"

Stanton slipped his Yugioh cards back into his pockets when he saw Jimena hand Collin two swords.

"I will fight you", started Collin in a cheesy and horribly butchered French accent. "To zee death!"

"Right", Stanton sighed before taking the sword from Jimena.

"En Garde!" Collin screamed and lashed the sword out…… right through Jimena's hair.

"AIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE", Jimena screamed before exploding into a fit of Spanish, and Collin who could barely handle English had no clue what she was talking about.

"Don't worry! I'll still love you! Even if you do look like Mr. Clean!"

Stanton watched as Jimena beat Collin into the concrete and decided to use it as a distraction to escape. He couldn't help but to smirk, though. He always hated that bitch…

"YO, HOTSTUFF!"

He turned around to see two men staring at him hungrily. His eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "I thought I put you two in permanent comas".

Cream smiled maliciously. "Well, I feel recovered now. Don't you peaches?"

"Good as new", Peaches clasped his hand's together and Stanton started to lose himself.

"NO!" He roared before blinking. "Where am I?" He turned to see Peaches and Cream before shrieking. Jetting down the block, he dove into a telephone booth. Putting a quarter in, he immediately dialed 911.

"Los Angeles Police Department. How can I help you?"

"They're chasing me!"

"Who is?"

"I don't know!"

"Can you describe them?"

"No!"

"One of them?"

"No!"

"Try"

"He um… he looks like a man?!"

"Who are you?"

"I dunno!"

"Where are you?"

"I dunno!"

"How can you expect me to help you if you don't tell me where you are?"

"I dunno!"

"Little boys shouldn't play on payphones!"

"WAIT! PLEASE!"

"Fuckin asshole"

_Click_

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Stanton roared as Peaches and Cream busted into the phone booth and grabbed him by the neck. "I dun wanna diiiiiie!" He screamed and fainted into nothingness.

"Heheheheheheheh", Peaches cackled as he dragged Stanton's ass along the cracked sidewalk. He sniffed the morning air and turned to Cream. "Do you smell that?"

Cream sniffed. "Yeah…. Smells like…. Febreze…"


	8. Here Come the Men in Black

Stanton cried like a baby, his fingernails screeching over the brown tiled floor of the abandoned McDonalds in which they had dragged him to.

"I don't wanna die! I don't wanna-" His cries were stifled as Peaches jammed a large fry container into his mouth.

"Open", started Cream. "Sesame Seed!"

Stanton's eyes widened as the floor beneath them began to part, revealing a completely different world. The windowless walls were all white and lab tables hovered over every inch of its marble floor. Peaches and Cream took him by the shoulders and sent him cascading down into the room below.

"IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII", he screamed through the fry box and groaned when he finally landed smack into a lab table. He looked up to see a vaguely familiar woman and with a clap of her hands, recognition sprung across his face.

"Cas-"

She put a finger to his lips. "Shut up. For once this isn't about you!" Smiling that wicked smile, she brought a tall, dark man to her side. "Meet my new boyfriend! Will!"

An enormous grin twisted onto Stanton's features. He wanted to sing! To dance! To rejoice! For he was free! Just when he was about to break out into a verse of "Hallelujah", Will began to speak.

"We're goin straight to the Wild Wild West! Wicked Wicked Willy Wild!"

Stanton cocked an eyebrow.

"Now, Will", Cassandra purred. "Tell Stanton what he's doing here".

"Right! Right!" Will turned to him. "Welcome to the MIB, Sammy!"

"Stanton"

"Ain't that what I said?"

Stanton put a hand to his forehead. He figured that Cassandra's boyfriend would be just as annoying as her. "What's an MIB?"

Will's eyes widened as if he was about to have a massive heart attack. "What's an MIB?!"

Stanton nodded, almost afraid to respond.

"WHAT'S AN MIB?!"

Stanton cocked an eyebrow as music began to play and Will started to bob his head.

"Uh… yeah… uh"

A choir began. "Here come the men in black"

"Uh… yeah"

"Galaxy defenders"

"Yeah Yeah"

"Here come the men in black"

"Uh Yeah Yeah Uh"

"Won't let you remember"

"Uh yeah! Yeah! Ye- uh! Ye- uh!"

After a few more "uh"s and "yeah"s, Will ceased and smiled at Stanton as if what he had just done had actually explained something.

"Uh", Stanton muttered, still confused. "What's an MIB?"

"WHAT'S AN MI-"

"I'll find out for myself". Stanton interrupted, afraid that the man would break out into song again. Glancing around, he noticed a group of teenagers surrounding a television set. As he drew closer, his eyes widened. "Karyl?!"

"Stanton!" Karyl grinned. "What a surprise!" Tymmie and Kelly turned around to meet him. "You finally made it!"

"Was I supposed to? And what are you doing here?"

"We're Men in Black!" Tymmie held up his badge, proudly.

"Galaxy Defenders!" Kelly added.

"Right". Stanton rolled his eyes. He couldn't believe that this was happening. Was the entire world going mad? "You're coming back with me".

"Says who?" Kelly challenged.

Taken back and surprised that they would ever try to defy him, he paused for a moment before recovering his wit.

"Says your Prince. Do you think that the Atrox would be happy with your decision?"

Tymmie shrugged and pointed up. "I dunno. Why don't you ask _him_?"

Stanton slowly looked up to see a mass of darkness hovering above him. Somewhere in the void lay a pair of sunglasses and a black tie.

"Your majesty", Stanton begged. "You can't be serious! What about the daughters?! What about our mission?!"

"Sorry, Stanton". The swirl of darkness roared. "I'm rollin with the MIB now".

Stanton stared in disbelief. This was worse that the time that it got hooked on the Power Rangers. Those outfits that he had made them wear were so embarrassing. Stanton flinched at the painful memories. Then like sunlight, joy flooded his chest.

"Does this mean", he hesitated as inspirational music began to play. "I'm free?"

The darkness stared at him sympathetically and then began to laugh merrily. "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA… no"

The music came to a halt and Stanton's eyes filled with rage. "WHY?!"

"Because, son", started a voice from the opposite side of the room. He groaned as Will started towards him, Cassandra on his arm. "We want you to join us. You passed the test".

"What test?" He spat.

"The memory test!"

"THAT WAS YOU?!" BUT…. How-"

"We're everywhere", spoke a random man in black.

"So?" Will waited for a response.

"Never", Stanton answered. "I'drather join the Daughters!"

"Too late". Catty, Vanessa, Serena, and Tianna stepped in, waving their badges in his face.

"The We Hat Stanton Club?" He asked, weakly

The massive club strolled in, all dressed in black. Jimena wore a hideous wig.

"What's up, Jimena?" Serena asked. "Hair trouble?"

"Or lack thereof" Stanton snickered as she threw a death glare in his direction.

"Well, Stanton?" asked Will.

"Well?!"

"WELL?!"

"Like I said before, NO!"

"Then you'll lose your memory FOREVER!" Will bellowed, adding an "uh" or two. He then took out a small, silver, handheld device. "Collin, will you do the honors?"

"Who me?!" Collin asked. Jimena started to look worried.

"Now how does this thingamajigger work? Um…. Er-"

"AGH! MY EYES!" Jimena roared.

Stanton watched for a moment as they surrounded Jimena before speeding for the nearest EXIT.

"Don't worry!" yelled Collin. "I'll still love you! Even if you DO have amnesia!"

Stanton shook his head and hurried down an abandoned street. It was time for this freak show to end once and for all.


	9. And Now! For Our Grand Finale

Stanton smiled as he reached the modest, brick, ranch- style house. Punching his fists into the palms of his hands, he walked up to the front door, a mad grin hovering over his insanely twisted face. That is until Fluffy the bulldog came racing at him. Stanton stiffened for a minute before realizing that the dog was limited by a steel gate. Unable to suppress an opportunity of making fun of those less fortunate than himself, he began to make faces at the dog. He doubled over laughing when the dog barked even louder, a crazy glare in its eyes. Being the foolish Prince of Darkness that he was, he began to point and ridicule the dog, much like Cartman on an episode of South Park. The dog grew even more frustrated. Then tossing his boxers to the side, he leaned over to give the dog a clear picture of his ugly ass. After noticing that the dog hadn't responded after a while, he started to turn around when a sharp pain caught him in the back.

"AGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH…" He yelped as the dog's teeth tore into his bare hide.

"Mommy?" A little girl asked as she walked through the neighborhood with her mother, hand in hand. "What's that?" She pointed to what seemed to be a stick figure with something attached to its ass, flying over the moon.

Her mother just shrugged and kept walking. "Maybe it's the twins…"

"…GHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Stanton finally hit the ground, landing in a pile of –

"SHIT!" He screamed. "This is just great!" He looked up, realizing that he was in the backyard of the house that he had been trying to get to. His troubles forgotten, he rubbed his hands together maliciously. Sneaking in through the backdoor, he moved through the kitchen and finally into a girl's room. It was then that Stanton realized that he was butt naked. Avoiding the various pictures of him and a few other victims covering the blood red walls, he made his way to the closet. There he pulled out a pair of daisy dukes and a white T. Then stretching them out the best that he could, he pulled them over his body and made his way out of the room, his steps stiff and limited. Then making his way to the basement stairs, he struggled to walk down properly, but instead went tumbling down the stairs.

"Oooh! Eeeh! Ahhh! Ooooh! Eeeeh! Aaaaah!" He cried as he finally landed on his ass and his forehead at the same time. How he managed that, no one knows. Rising from the ground, a huge red lump on his forehead, he turned and saw what he had been looking for. There sat a figure in hoodie, staring into her computer, her fingers moving over the keyboard rapidly. His eyes widened as he saw her typing the cursed word, "Ronald" in.

"Oh, no you don't", he raced over and plucked the computer plug from its socket. This, however, sent electricity buzzing through his body, burning him black. The author frowned. Now her clothes were not only stretched, but ruined…

"AH EE OOOOH!" Stanton bellowed. When the surge had dimmed, he looked up, a mad gaze in his eyes. "Now it's your turn".

* * *

Stanton smiled, satisfied as he strolled down the block. He was having a good day. A very good day. He looked back to see the Colonel spread out in KFC's parking lot and his smile widened even more. He turned to his side to see Serena sprinting his way. She had finally accepted him back claiming that she was UIA (Under the Influence of the Author). Slipping his arms around her, he looked up to see sparkling, azure colored skies. Resting his head on Serena's shoulder, he sighed. Life was good…

_**THE END**_

Or is it? Meheheheheheheheh … okay I'll shut up now…


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